Something I have never had much of till recently. I've usalay been to scared to hope let alone to trust. Major trust issues on my end. Mostly to do with my upbringing. My birth Mother as some of you may understand made me a very untrusting person. When one is betrayed by the person they tought they could trust the most well....it leaves a wound so deep that one guards it like its the most precious thing in the world. Every time in my life someone tore down a wall I had a habbit of putting one back up even if I didn't exactly mean to. A character flaw of mine that I have been working on. Now more so then ever because someone came into my life that tore down the walls no matter how many I seem to put up. He didn't let me hide and even could see beyound the veil that I resisded in to hide the parts of myself I didn't want others to see. The person I speak of is
. I have a hard time opening up and often I lock everything inside. I've never been very good at voicing what I want and always just put all my time and energy into others. Which is part of what destroyed my prior relationship. Most think it was all my ex's doing, but there were things I was at fault for too. No one is ever completly innocent in such things. Though now perhaps I am that butterfly coming out of her coocoon as some have so lovingly put it. However I'm not perfect. These wings have many scars that will take time to fade, but my sweet Fallen Angel
despite seeing all these scars, all my flaws and the darkest parts of me. Yet remains. Before I came here he left a message on my main DA page saying "Hope....just hope is all I'm asking for." and indeed I have held to that more so then ever. Between holding that in my heart for the first time in a long time and just having him, my family and a few choice friends.
and
being two of them whom have helped me tramendously over the years. I just have a strong feeling I'll be just fine. And yes if you silly lovely people are still going a duhrrr..
and I are together and very much in love. Perhaps I may get the "That was too fast." comment but well really I'm just really happy and thanks to him and those few others. For the first time in a long time. I have hope.
-Kristin
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